


It's and Maybes

by menomeyes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, Showki, kiho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 19:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/menomeyes/pseuds/menomeyes
Summary: It first started when Shownu saw Kihyun's charms accentuated by the slightly revealing stage outfits. No, maybe it started since the beginning, No.Mercy and maybe even earlier.It's hard to tell, really. When does one begin to fall in love? Why does one fall in love? The feeling of love could simply be a fire of chemicals in one’s brain. Maybe there’s more, something more conscious that accompanies said chemicals. Although, it’s not as if the nitty gritty details matter all that much.It doesn’t matter when it started, or why it started. At least not now, not when it’s too late.





	It's and Maybes

People act in various ways around their crush. Some become as confident as can be, while others shy away and stumble as if they’re treading on thin ice. Shownu, was none of those options. As someone who was oblivious to the fact that he had a crush, Shownu had no conscious awareness of his actions around said crush.

Though, somewhere at the back of his mind he knew.

Whenever Kihyun did something that would bring bouts of laughter to erupt from a crowd, Shownu wanted to see that something done just for him. If Kihyun were to give him the slightest attention, Shownu would catch himself blushing or at the very least, in a very, very nervous state.

It’s not like Shownu knew, but it’s not like he didn’t either. The feelings, the expectations, it was all passed off as brotherly love. When it would feel even a teensy bit more than brotherly love, Shownu would conclude it's due to his constant loneliness.

It doesn’t help that Kihyun keeps clinging to Shownu either. Whether it’s a simple pat on the back or a lingering hand on the shoulder, Shownu notices it. Honestly, it’s more selective attention than anything. It’s not as if Kihyun doesn’t cling to the other members, Shownu just only notices when it’s towards him.

While Shownu doesn’t see Kihyun as handsome, and doesn’t necessarily enjoy hanging out with Kihyun as much as the other members, he only really mentions this to gauge Kihyun’s reaction, which are simply adorable. There are incidents, where Shownu feels guilty after, but it’s all in good fun. Light-hearted sibling rivalry, something like that.

The guilt arises when Shownu notices Kihyun guiding him as a leader, complimenting his leadership and kindness. It’s alright though, because Kihyun does tease him back too. Even so, somewhere at the back of the mind, Shownu wishes he could compliment Kihyun more.

Shownu never noticed just how affectionate Kihyun was to the other members. At least, not until now. A little bit of frustration began bubbling in Shownu’s chest. Kihyun’s affection towards the members were of varying degrees. Shownu was on the higher end, and slowly the affection reduced to the same level as the other members. Every member except for Wonho, who gained more and more of Kihyun’s affection everyday.

Wonho was able to do what Shownu couldn’t. Kihyun gleamed when Wonho showered him in compliments and affection. Just one touch and Wonho could melt Kihyun into a puddle of affection.

It was then that Shownu realized he wasn’t special.

Why was he so bothered by it?

The answer was simple. He had no wish to deny it, he had no need to think hard about it. Somewhere along the lines, Shownu knew he had fallen in love. Somewhere along the lines, he never felt a need to confront those feelings. There was comfort in assuming the feelings would always be there, that he could always relish in Kihyun’s affection and sneak the occasional glances.

Shownu finally realized. He couldn’t enjoy hanging out with Kihyun because of how nervous it made him feel. Nervous, because he wanted more. Even though he never saw Kihyun as handsome, he found him attractive in other ways, whether that was in his pretty smile or his caring nature.

Now, Shownu no longer had the chance to confront those feelings. As much as he chose to be oblivious to his own feelings, he can’t deny the attraction he sees between Kihyun and Wonho.

Maybe if he didn’t get comfortable, and instead took the initiative to act on his feelings, he would be the one to bring Kihyun’s unique smile to light.

**Author's Note:**

> Might try writing again. Thought my writing was shit so I abandoned my previous account, amongst the many unfinished stories. Going to try to spit some stories out and see what I’m feeling.


End file.
